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There’s a saying out there that must have been coined by either the coolest guy ever who can’t relate to mere mortal males or by some chick who is desperate to have any guy approach her for a date.

“When talking to a girl, just be yourself.”

Ok. Cool in theory. We all hope the chick we want to fuck likes us for who we are. But there are two problems here.

First, we all have warts. As Seinfeld said, “She saw a side, a bad side. Now she’s soured.”

Yes, we all have a bad side, be it bad eating habits, swearing too much, drinking too much, don’t drink at all (yes, some chicks find this a turnoff), have a shitty job, whatever. We all have a side that is a part of who we are, a side that if she sees too soon…you’re fucked. And by saying your fucked, I mean you’re not getting fucked.

Next problem with this bullshit theory, it’s easy to be likable, casual, funny, “yourself” when you’re with your bros. You know them and feel comfortable around them. It’s not so easy to be that same casual, funny, charming guy when you’re trying to pick up a chick. Why? Nerves.

Most guys are nervous when trying to pick up a chick. Fact. So being yourself means being nervous. Do chicks dig that? No. Has any guy ever thought to himself, “I’m gonna be super nervous talking to this chick to get into her panties.”? No. I don’t have to tell you why.  

So what’s the answer? Know yourself. Know what chicks like, know what chicks like about you, turn a spotlight on that part of you, not flood lighting on the whole package.

This is a necessary Jedi mind trick all guys need to learn. Remember, Obiwan Kenobi himself went right into that stormtrooper blockade with R2 and C3P0 and told the guileless guards that, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” He made them see only what he wanted them to see. And he did so being cool and calm. And what was the Stormtrooper’s response, “These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.” Obiwan was teaching Luke more than one lesson that day. I just hope you were paying attention too.

So slowly wave your right hand in her face and tell her you’re the guy she’s looking for while hiding those red flags in your back pocket. Hide those red flags until she’s so entrenched, she can’t back out. By then, you’ll probably find some red flags on her and want to bolt yourself. Either way, you maintain control.

And about those nerves, just remember, what is she but a girl? She farts and throws tantrums and does all sorts of bitchy things that’ll eventually turn you off. She knows the game and is playing it too. You’ve spoken to thousands of chicks before and will speak to thousands more. She’s only on a pedestal if you put her there.